Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
