Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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