umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
