Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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