Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i out mim tonsoeep
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