so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You may now shotgun with the bride
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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