my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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