she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
