I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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