I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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