some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
