dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
