dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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