can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
