Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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