like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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