Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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