i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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