I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
