I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there's paper in my vomit.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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