lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
