how can u be prego again
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
