Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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