I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
