Betty ford says i'm here all night
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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