I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
