I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
