i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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