so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
