Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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