forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
