This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
