I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
