**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
