you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
