before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
