I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My ass is underappreciated
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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