The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
