He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
