maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
