I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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