no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
