he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
