I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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