How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
