repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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