ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
