oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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