I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
