I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
