just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
