Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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