are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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