dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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