Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
