Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
